Friday, July 29, 2011

I should write a book on how to convert kids to atheism...

First of all, let me give you a little background. This is what a typical meal time is like at our house when everyone has finished eating:

Eric: Oh, no! We forgot to say grace!

Me: Ok. Well, do you want to pray, or do you want Mommy to pray?

Eric: I'll pray. [pause] dadaaddaa mamumum mummmm...

Me: In Jesus' name...

Eric: No! I'm not done yet. Mummma dadada baba. Amen.

Flashback to yesterday:
We're leaving the Chick-Fil-A and a nice employee is handing out balloons. After saying thank you, the kids each pick a color. Eric immediately picks yellow. He's gravitated to that color since infancy. Rachel chooses orange... no wait, green! No wait... So, yeah: orange it is.

Eric was proud of how he got the balloon string around his wrist and arm. I had no idea how well that would hold up, but when you have a diaper bag on your back, a kid in one arm (with balloon), and the other kid holding onto your hand while traversing a crazy parking lot, you can't watch everything. Sure enough...

Eric: Oh no! My balloon!

I look up and see a yellow oval slowly ascending into the sky. Crap.

Eric: I want another balloon!

Ok, so at this point I have a choice: drag everyone and everything back into the restaurant, beg for another bloody balloon and hope that they have enough, or simply use this as a teaching tool for how to hold onto your balloon for future outings. In short, I choose option 2. Yes, he'll tantrum for a few minutes, but he'll forget about it just as quick. Maybe.

Me: Eric, I'm sorry you lost your balloon. You did a good job of holding onto it, but sometimes balloons get away.

Eric: I want another balloon! Waaaaaaahhh!!!!

Me: [sigh] Honey, everyone only gets 1 balloon. I'm sorry...

So we get into the car, and I think this is the end of it because Rachel doesn't mind sharing hers. But no.

We get home, and Eric starts crying again. I get the kids inside the house, then I decide to tell Eric a story about how I lost a balloon when I was a child. He gets quiet, and asks where the balloon went.

Me: Well... [thinking fast] balloons fly up to heaven to be with Jesus and make children there happy.

Eric promptly bursts into tears.

Eric 1, Mommy 0.

Later at night when John gets home, Eric runs up to him and says, "Daddy, my balloon flew up to the sky."

John smiled empathetically at him. "I'm sorry, Eric."

"Jesus has my balloon." Then Eric got very quiet and said, "I just want Jesus to give it back..."

Great. Jesus: Messiah. Savior. Balloon Thief.
I can see Sunday school now:
"Class, does anyone know what Jesus did for us?"
"Yes. He steals my balloons!"

Eric 2, Mommy-0.

P.S. Laurie just translated Eric's prayer: "Dear Jesus, forget everything Mommy says. I want my balloon back. Amen."

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I don't understand what the big deal is...

Last night went something like this...
Me: I love cuddling.

John: I can't see my computer.

Me: Isn't this great? All this love and affection without having to put out?? It's like a dream come true!

John: [mumbling] More like a nightmare...

Me: [contented sigh] So... what are you thinking about?

John: Bear trap.

Me: ?

John: Bear trap. You know... trying to bite my arm off in order to escape...

Me: Too many pillows for that. Aren't throw pillows great? You know what we need?? Scented candles!

John: True. I could always light myself on fire...

Me: You have a bad attitude. Do all men think this way?

John: It's hot and uncomfortable. It's not like men get much out of it. Isn't there some scene in "When Harry Met Sally" about how men think about how long they have to cuddle without being rude?

Me: Huh. I didn't know you watched that movie...

John: My testicles had already shriveled up from having to sit in the same room while you watched "Titanic" last year.

Me: [sigh] I love that movie...

John: Can I go back to reading now?

P.S. I had no idea men were such pigs. This is why John gets anniversary gifts like this. As opposed to this. It's called priorities, honey. THAT is what you get out of cuddling. But if you ever get over your phobia of intimacy, the 45K is coming out of your pay-check as my current employer has me on call 24/7 and refuses to pay me. I also hear he hates cuddling. :-)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Having fun at the beach

We just got back from our vacation in Myrtle Beach. By "vacation" I mean that the kids had a vacation. John, my parents, and myself are so worn out we need another vacation to get over the stress of our vacation. :-) Seriously, though.. it was great.

Here are some pics and highlights...

1) My parents graciously offered to take the kids off our hands for an entire day. It was Christmas in July. I think we read for a few hours without any interruptions before heading out to play mini-golf and going to an amusement park. On the way back, I noticed a thrill-ride next to the beach near the old Pavilion amusement park. You get strapped in and it sling-shots you 300 feet into the air at 3Gs during launch. You go straight up and flip several times (or even more if your husband decides to "get his money's worth" and fling his weight into the bloody device so many times that you don't get to enjoy the ocean view), but it was great fun. Here's a picture of the Sling Shot. The black dot is another soul being tossed into the air like fresh Fettuccine.
2) The kids are both fearless when it comes to riding rides. I will consider myself a successful mother is my kids love Jesus and roller coasters. (I showed Eric youtube footage of the Intimidator 305 and other roller coasters from Kings Dominion, to which he yells "I want to ride a roller coaster! Please??" Does my heart proud...) :-)Unfortunately, Eric... you've got a few years kiddo. And Rachel was a little too short (by like an inch and a half) to ride some of the rides that Eric could ride. It's hard to explain to a 2 year-old that she can't ride the same things that "Bubby" can. Thankfully, they both could ride together most of the time.

3) Both kids also played in the ocean a lot more this year. Last year Eric seemed to have a phobia of both water and carnival rides. This year both kids got a lot more out of the trip.
The aquarium at Broadway at the Beach was an even bigger hit this year as well, especially for Eric who would push adults out of his way in order to play with the hands-on exhibits.

It's a shame we only have a week down at the beach. It went by so fast, I swear we skipped a day or 2. So goodbye Myrtle Beach. We hope to see you again next year!

All dressed up...

Day 52- A picture of me dressed up... and getting kissed
Four hours later I was over a toilet with the stomach virus from hell, but good news: I didn't puke on the dinner cruise. Or in John's mouth. I'm very considerate that way.

Happy 5th Anniversary, honey. We made it through five years, four of them with kids in diapers. I think we're doing pretty good! :-)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Day 51- Me... in shades, or A random beach picture because my imac sucks

My computer is experiencing technical difficulties, which is nothing new in my ongoing saga of "How Jen Manages to Break Every Laptop She Has Ever Owned." This time the power cable isn't working. Or my computer is on strike and refuses to accept electricity. Maybe she wants to go green and run on solar energy.

At any rate, my battery is draining by the second, and I haven't uploaded all our pictures from Myrtle Beach. Plus I haven't had the time to write about our vacation, so predictably...

Day 51- A picture of me wearing sunglassesThis was our last day at the beach, and we took the kids to the water one last time before bed. Eric especially enjoyed the water this year.