Friday, September 30, 2011

What can turn a sweet Christian girl into a violent, poison-wielding monster?

I am usually a gentle person. Mostly. I never watched fights in middle and high school. I can't see horror flicks due to the profusion of blood. But tonight I went outside with my Terminix spray bottle of chemical doom and proceeded to kill the largest spider I've ever seen on this side of the Pacific. Of course, I did this from about 6 feet away. I had to be prepared to flee just in case it did something unpredictable, like fall off of its ginormous web during its death throes.

After spraying it repeatedly, it finally fell down on the edge of the porch. I quickly darted back inside just in case it was faking its own demise and decided to turn around and attack me.

When John came home, we had a little talk:

Me: Honey, we need to talk about this sick tendency you have to let spiders live.

John: They're outside. They're killing bugs! They're not hurting anyone.

Me: Wrong. [pointing to the giant web hanging from our porch swing]

John: [sighs and steps outside]

Me: Oh my God, what are you doing?? There are spiders out there!

John: [giving me a exasperated look] I'm taking down the web.

My wonderful husband continues to destroy the web. Then he looks down.

John: You know that the spider is still alive?

Me: I knew it! [pause] Did you kill it?

John: Yes.

Me: Good. You know, killing spiders makes me hot...

John: [smiles but shakes his head]

Laurie: You know... you have 4 minutes until you need to turn the steaks over.

I wish I could tell you that this story ended with a quickie and a nice medium-rare filet. Unfortunately, it ended instead with an episode of the Wiggles and late bedtimes for the kids. This is real life.

Real life sucks.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

First fire of the year

The weather in the state of Virginia has got to be the most screwed up in the U.S. Yesterday it was 90 degrees, and the kids were swimming in the kiddie pool. This morning it was 74. It's now 50 and dropping. It will probably be over 70 tomorrow.

But in the meantime... it's pretty cool and cozy to have a fire going. :-)

Monday, September 12, 2011

If I ever complain about how the teen years suck, please remind me of this post

Eric and I were watching "The Berenstein Bears." About 90 seconds into putting my arm around him, Eric turns towards me and grins. He then pulls open the front of my shirt and proceeds to drop something small inside, which naturally catches in my bra.

I look at him, "Eric... what did you just do?"

"Ummm... I gave you a present."

The "present" turned out to be a booger.

So... if I ever complain about what jerks my kids are once they hit their teens, please refer me back to this post. :-(

Thursday, September 8, 2011

It's amazing I haven't seen Noah's Ark floating by...

So we now have flood conditions here since it has rained non-stop for days. We're not talking about a light rain. We're talking about such heavy rain that you could drive a yacht down my street. There are rescue boats going down the streets in my county. That's right- boats. Even the schools are closed tomorrow!

Eric takes a bus to and from school (when there's not a flood), so Rachel and I stand outside on the porch to wait. I took a couple of pictures of her holding an umbrella and looking utterly adorable without even trying (how do preschoolers do that??)
And despite the fact that Eric's bus has been 15 minutes late every day, and that he wasn't even on the roster yesterday afternoon (which no one would explain what happened there- that's a whole other post), it's peaceful to wait outside and watch the rain fall around us. I discovered that I love rainy days far more than sunny ones. I wonder if John would move to Portland or Seattle...

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

To my darling husband...

Dear John,

Unfortunately, I spent another $150 on fall/winter clothes for the kids. On the plus side, at least they won't be naked.