Tuesday, September 29, 2009

1 Hour and 24 Minutes I Can Never Get Back...

Yesterday there was the minor miracle in my house of both children having overlapping naps for an hour. I vacuumed the living room, cleaned the kitchen floor, then wondered what the heck I was doing. I could be watching t.v!

So I turned on FIOS and saw that all the free on demand movies were about to get axed. About 30 movies. That sucks. One of them was only an hour and 24 minutes long. The movie was Cloverfield, the adrenaline semi-horror flick from the people who created Lost. I love Lost. I'm totally addicted to that show. I will be so sad when it ends this season. If the people who created Lost also produced Cloverfield, the movie must be good, right?

If you have the chance to see Cloverfield I have one word of advice for you: Don't. It was as if the director of The Blair Witch Project stole the artwork of H.R. Giger and enlisted writers who were utterly incompetent at creating character empathy. The entire movie was shot on a "government duplicate" copy of a home video. That in itself would annoy most people. But then when a giant monster began attacking New York, spewing face-sucking aliens who cause humans to hemorrhage until they explode, that's when they lost me. I was then simply watching out of morbid curiosity- how would these poor saps who must have spent millions to make this awful film finally END it??

You don't really care that this next paragraph is a spoiler, do you?

The main characters decide, after running away from face suckers and watching one of their friends explode, to try and rescue the girlfriend of the main character (I don't remember their names; would you?). The girlfriend happens to be trapped in a building that was giving the Leaning Tower of Pisa a run for its money. And she's on the 54th floor.

Ok, you are all idiots. You deserve to die.

I was hoping they would get eaten alive, but alas, the military blew them up along with the island of Manhattan.

I left out some interesting (moronic) details like the girlfriend they successfully rescued had a giant metal pipe coming out of her chest? Which they pull out and she was total fine enough to walk across a rooftop to climb down 54 flights of stairs and run to Central Park.

Reruns of Sesame Street are way better. I'll never get back that hour and 24 minutes. I could have had a V8. I could have had 20.


emma said...

just got sesame st "let's make music" on dvd today (@ LC library) - good 30 minutes of kid bonding - watched it 1 1/2 times today :) Highly recommend

Anonymous said...

Oh the angst of a wasted nap! Especially a wasted double nap! I'm still bitter about the nap I wasted (last week) trying to get my *#%& computer connected to the internet so that I could upload pictures to Snapfish and order them from Walgreens so that I would have an errand to run with Evie when she woke up (must get OUT OF HOUSE with cranky teething toddler!). She woke up and I still had no internet, no errand, and hadn't gotten anything else accomplished. Feh.

By the way, you've inspired me. We are thinking of driving to Texas for Thanksgiving and my new strategy is to get Evie addicted to Sesame Street so that she can watch it in our new minivan on the lovely minivan media system and NOT SCREAM AT US FOR 12 HOURS. Wish me luck. :)

Christina said...

Nobody put a gun to your head, Shmoo. Just kidding. That movie does suck turds. I watched maybe 15 minutes then shut 'er off. At least you didn't waste your money at the theater. Last weekend we spent 32 f-n dollars for 3 movie tickets just because it was 3-D. What a rip! Cute movie though (Cloudy w/a Chance of Meatballs). Love ya.

PG said...

Ha, my husband loved that movie, but it's because he has a grudge against where we live, so he enjoyed seeing our block get torn apart and yuppie New Yorkers turned into Purina Monster Chow. His sympathies were all with the Big Bad, not the purported characters.