Today as John and I drove to get Eric's hair cut for the first time (long story short- his little curlies are gone and I cried), I had a sad thought. I am almost 33 weeks pregnant. Rachel Erin's due date is April 6th, though she will probably be born early like her brother. When I was pregnant with Eric I had not one, not two, but SIX baby showers. I know... overkill. But it was so thoughtful, and I was grateful for every last one of them.
I had one friend offer to throw a shower for Rachel upon finding out I was pregnant. But she teaches at Virginia Tech and with the distance and lack of time, I doubt that will happen. I haven't heard from her about it since the initial offer. I'm not sad that I'm not "getting stuff" for a new baby. My thought is- it seems that everyone was so quick to celebrate Eric's arrival into the world, but Rachel's arrival isn't worth the effort. I feel responsible for this: Rachel wasn't planned and whenever anyone congratulates me about this pregnancy, I talk it down because I am so afraid of the strain her coming will have on my marriage and on me personally. Two kids under two is an intimidating thought!
So, no, this is NOT a plea for someone to feel sorry for me and throw me an impromptu shower. In fact, after telling John how guilty I felt, he suggested we throw a "Hello World" party for her once she arrives (for all computer geeks out there- you get the joke) where people can get things off the registry or just show up and meet her. That cheered me up. I don't ever want Rachel to know how afraid I was... how she was unplanned. I want her to feel as welcome as Eric and see her birth as a joyous occasion for our family.
