Friday, February 13, 2009

A Sad Thought

First of all, I want to say that my husband rocks.  I received an early Valentine's Day gift today- a MacBook Air.  LOVE it.  And Eric is currently loving banging his little pudgies on my old imac even if that sad little machine no longer works.

Today as John and I drove to get Eric's hair cut for the first time (long story short- his little curlies are gone and I cried), I had a sad thought.  I am almost 33 weeks pregnant.  Rachel Erin's due date is April 6th, though she will probably be born early like her brother.  When I was pregnant with Eric I had not one, not two, but SIX baby showers.  I know... overkill.  But it was so thoughtful, and I was grateful for every last one of them.  

I had one friend offer to throw a shower for Rachel upon finding out I was pregnant.  But she teaches at Virginia Tech and with the distance and lack of time, I doubt that will happen.  I haven't heard from her about it since the initial offer.  I'm not sad that I'm not "getting stuff" for a new baby.  My thought is- it seems that everyone was so quick to celebrate Eric's arrival into the world, but Rachel's arrival isn't worth the effort.  I feel responsible for this: Rachel wasn't planned and whenever anyone congratulates me about this pregnancy, I talk it down because I am so afraid of the strain her coming will have on my marriage and on me personally.  Two kids under two is an intimidating thought!

So, no, this is NOT a plea for someone to feel sorry for me and throw me an impromptu shower.  In fact, after telling John how guilty I felt, he suggested we throw a "Hello World" party for her once she arrives (for all computer geeks out there- you get the joke) where people can get things off the registry or just show up and meet her.  That cheered me up.  I don't ever want Rachel to know how afraid I was... how she was unplanned.  I want her to feel as welcome as Eric and see her birth as a joyous occasion for our family.

6 comments:

kellymb said...

Unfortunately I had the same experience (with the showers) and while I certainly did not need more stuff since both of my kids are girls, and they were less than 2 years apart, it does seem like the celebration is lost.
I did not get as many visits in the hospital as I did with Megan either. In fact, I have some CLOSE friends/ family that did not coem to see me at all.. and I had a c-section so I was in the hospital for a few days!

I do want to make Rachel's name letters for her room. I just need a color scheme/ theme to work with. I also have a few other crafty things that I would like to do.. but I dont want to say anything else in case they do not get finished!

Love you!

kellymb said...

Oh! I only had 1 shower with Megan to begin with!

Jen said...

You are such a sweetie Kelly!

I will email you the room decor, but if you can't get to it, no problem! :-)

Karen said...

I'm so sorry, hon. I know what you mean...it's not about you and it's not about the stuff, it's about being excited for a baby on the way! Once Rachel is here you migth keep seeing examples of this again and again. Josh and I have seen lots of examples of how my nephew has gotten a cushy ride being the first grandchild on my side of the family and Evie is getting the short end of the stick, so Rachel might get the same as a grandchild and from other family and friends, and it is sad. But think of it this way, it is something that will make her who she is and maybe for the better. Second children feel less pressure of everyone looking at them and expecting things from them and it makes them less high-achieving but more creative and true to themselves. At least you aren't planning more kids, so she won't be a middle child. She'll get to grow up being the baby of the family and feeling special for that. She'll get her special attention in a different way because with Eric you looked forward to each new thing he would do but with Rachel you'll dread each new thing and wish she would stay little because the end of each stage is also the end of that part of your mommyhood. She'll sense that and it will make her feel loved in a different but equal way than Eric does. AND she will get to have the spotlight her senior year while Eric is away at college and she is an only child for a brief, glorious moment! :) Love you hon, ((((hugs))))

PG said...

I don't think I got back in touch with John until after y'all had Eric, so Rachel is the exciting hearing-about-the-pregnancy baby for me :-)

I know it's not about the stuff and normally I'm all about being gender-neutral, but since she IS your first girl, maybe you could post an online registry with some pretty girly things for her -- I'm personally a sucker for charm bracelets -- and even if it's not convenient to have a "real life" baby shower, she still can have a few things growing up that were her welcome-to-the-world gifts that were just for her.

PG said...

Oh, and while I'm on the subject of your posting a link for friends to buy stuff, could you do a favor for marketing science and post this survey? Thanks!