What's worse than fighting zombies?

Besides fighting zombie-alien hybrids...??

The answer is: Potty-training a strong-willed child.

So much worse than fighting the undead. Especially if you have Vin Diesel to help you fight the undead.

If you haven't read the last couple of posts on this blog, you must be so confused...

I decided to start tackling potty-training with Rachel. She's almost 26 months old and is currently obsessed with potty books and videos. I reasoned that this would be the perfect time. I followed my friend Karen's advice and placed a potty next to the changing table so Rachel would begin to associate what goes on in her diaper with what should go on in the potty. After I change Rachel, I let her sit on the potty for as long as she wants.

Maybe one of these days she'll actually figure things out. Because right now, Rachel thinks having the potty next to the changing table is the best game EVER!! After changing her, she sits naked on the potty for about 0.08 seconds. Then she cries with delight and races into her brother's room. Before I can catch her, she is flailing around buck-naked on his bed while laughing hysterically.

While all this is going on, Eric has dropped trou and is actually using Rachel's potty. Which means I now have to clean that up and pray that Eric doesn't regress into only using little training potties again since he is also pretty strong-willed.

After I am finally done helping Eric dump his mess into the real toilet, Rachel usually decides that the carpeted floor is the perfect place to pee, clean potty be damned.

I totally get how some parents have their 7 year-old still in diapers. I am still having nightmares about starting bedtime training...

Fighting zombies? WAY easier...

P.S. Can I just say that seeing "zombies," "potty-training," and "Vin Diesel" all in ONE label for a blog post is totally awesome!

I am TOTALLY PSYCHIC!!!!!

OMG you guys... So the DAY that I had the dream of the zombie/ alien invasion where Vin Diesel and I save humanity from certain disaster in the waters of the Pacific, the Center for Disease Control sends out their Emergency and Preparedness and Response for how to best survive a zombie apocalypse. I kid you not. It's right here.

It gives the run down on how to prepare for a zombie attack and what to have on hand: water, food, first aid kits... They mention nothing about having Vin Diesel. Nor do they mention 7-11, which my husband was certain would be headquarters for human resistance (HA, John!!!). The CDC says you should also have a change of clothes for each family member and important documents like your driver's license and birth certificate.

Ummm... OK. So maybe it's just me, but WHY would you need your birth certificate when fighting zombies? My dream took place towards the end of the apocalypse with humanity's final stand against the zombie-alien things, and NO ONE gave a rat's a** about their birth certificates. I remember cars being hard to come by though. Probably because we were all too busy running away from our starving zombie significant others to grab our driver's licenses on the way out the door.

The CDC wants to encourage all Americans that IF the zombie apocalypse comes, they were conduct a thorough investigation like any other disease. Even if that means going door-to-door. Which means those idiots will either all be dead or become zombies themselves walking door-to-door haphazardly like a bunch of well-dressed Jehovah's Witnesses.

Here's the Jen Plan for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse:

1) Find Vin Diesel
2) Get weapons. That's right CDC. WEAPONS. Hello? You're fighting zombies, not meningitis.
3) Get a small group of well-armed humans to come with you and Vin Diesel to your nearest 7-11.
4) Steal a slurpee. Mostly because it's the end of the world and who gives a rip about stealing or the extra calories, but also because you will be really thirsty from fighting off zombies.

Then do whatever the heck you want because the Twinkies at 7-11 will probably outlive you. Although I would personally make sure you can run faster than most of the poor schmucks you picked up on the way to 7-11.

Really, finding Vin Diesel is the most important thing.

You're welcome.

Take that CDC!

When fighting zombies or aliens, make sure you make it to LA. With Vin Diesel. But don't mention the last part to your husband.

Conversation with John:

Me: I had a weird dream last night. I was at a 7-11 with a bunch of people. One of them was Vin Diesel, but it totally wasn't some crazy fantasy dream because we were all busy running from zombies. Or aliens. They looked more like aliens.

John: [Typing on his computer, saying nothing]

Me: So anyway, it was night, but no one was supposed to be out at night... which is why I thought we were being chased by zombies. But strangely enough the 7-11 was open... Anyway, we were all trying to get a ride to Los Angeles... I wonder why Vin Diesel didn't have a car?

John: That's a good question...

Me: So the only truck available was carting GM cars heading west, so we all climbed in a car and fell asleep on the way. I think I saw that in a movie once... Anyway, I remember waking up and seeing the Hollywood sign. The rocky hills were especially vivid, I'm not sure why... But when we got there, somehow it was only Vin and myself. I think the others went sightseeing. Vin owned a shop in LA, and the zombies came to see him when I was in the back...

Laurie: You were probably going to the bathroom...

John: [looking at me, saying nothing]

Me: At any rate, they were definitely not human. Maybe they wanted his autograph, but the next thing I know, Vin and I have joined a ton of people in the Pacific ocean fighting the zombies, who somehow couldn't swim. So Vin was, like, throwing knives or something at them, while I was underwater retrieving more weapons... Then I woke up. I'm pretty sure it was humanity's last stand.

John: [grabs the computer, wondering what the hell his wife has been typing for the last ten minutes] ... [starts reading] ... [starts typing]
Zombies ... or aliens? How the hell don't you know the difference?! This is damn important!

Me: All I know is they weren't human... and I now have this strange urge to go see "Fast and Furious 5"...

John: [continues reading] 7-11 is always open. I fully expect it to be part of, if not the headquarters, of the human resistance in face of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Me: I think I want a slurpee...

John: [continuing] Wow ... your dream also comes with ad placements as well. That's ... kind of creepy.

Me: They could have been BMWs...

John: [finishes reading] You've got some effed up dreams.

Me: So it's perfectly OK to cheat on you during the alien apocalypse?

John: [shrugs] Well, if I'm already dead...

P.S. John was pretty understanding about the whole thing. The only thing he got the least bit upset about was my ignorance about whether it was a zombie or alien apocalypse.
I think John has issues.

[John] P.P.S. IT'S IMPORTANT!! I mean, if they're Zombies, then you know not to engage them in close range, which you could do with aliens. Well, at least some aliens. Aliens, on the other hand, might have salvageable equipment you can use against them in the war to retake our world. It makes all the difference!! Hell, if I'm dead, I hope you have a fighting chance to survive, but if you cannot tell the difference between a zombie and an alien ... well ... just make sure you shoot yourself before you infect Vin Diesel.

P.P.P.S. I knew John was mad about Vin Diesel...