Thursday, May 19, 2011

When fighting zombies or aliens, make sure you make it to LA. With Vin Diesel. But don't mention the last part to your husband.

Conversation with John:

Me: I had a weird dream last night. I was at a 7-11 with a bunch of people. One of them was Vin Diesel, but it totally wasn't some crazy fantasy dream because we were all busy running from zombies. Or aliens. They looked more like aliens.

John: [Typing on his computer, saying nothing]

Me: So anyway, it was night, but no one was supposed to be out at night... which is why I thought we were being chased by zombies. But strangely enough the 7-11 was open... Anyway, we were all trying to get a ride to Los Angeles... I wonder why Vin Diesel didn't have a car?

John: That's a good question...

Me: So the only truck available was carting GM cars heading west, so we all climbed in a car and fell asleep on the way. I think I saw that in a movie once... Anyway, I remember waking up and seeing the Hollywood sign. The rocky hills were especially vivid, I'm not sure why... But when we got there, somehow it was only Vin and myself. I think the others went sightseeing. Vin owned a shop in LA, and the zombies came to see him when I was in the back...

Laurie: You were probably going to the bathroom...

John: [looking at me, saying nothing]

Me: At any rate, they were definitely not human. Maybe they wanted his autograph, but the next thing I know, Vin and I have joined a ton of people in the Pacific ocean fighting the zombies, who somehow couldn't swim. So Vin was, like, throwing knives or something at them, while I was underwater retrieving more weapons... Then I woke up. I'm pretty sure it was humanity's last stand.

John: [grabs the computer, wondering what the hell his wife has been typing for the last ten minutes] ... [starts reading] ... [starts typing]
Zombies ... or aliens? How the hell don't you know the difference?! This is damn important!


Me: All I know is they weren't human... and I now have this strange urge to go see "Fast and Furious 5"...

John: [continues reading] 7-11 is always open. I fully expect it to be part of, if not the headquarters, of the human resistance in face of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Me: I think I want a slurpee...

John: [continuing] Wow ... your dream also comes with ad placements as well. That's ... kind of creepy.

Me: They could have been BMWs...

John: [finishes reading] You've got some effed up dreams.

Me: So it's perfectly OK to cheat on you during the alien apocalypse?

John: [shrugs] Well, if I'm already dead...

P.S. John was pretty understanding about the whole thing. The only thing he got the least bit upset about was my ignorance about whether it was a zombie or alien apocalypse.
I think John has issues.

[John] P.P.S. IT'S IMPORTANT!! I mean, if they're Zombies, then you know not to engage them in close range, which you could do with aliens. Well, at least some aliens. Aliens, on the other hand, might have salvageable equipment you can use against them in the war to retake our world. It makes all the difference!! Hell, if I'm dead, I hope you have a fighting chance to survive, but if you cannot tell the difference between a zombie and an alien ... well ... just make sure you shoot yourself before you infect Vin Diesel.

P.P.P.S. I knew John was mad about Vin Diesel...

2 comments:

happilyeveronward said...

In response to the title: just don't stop at the 7-11, because that's where strange stuff always starts. Especially the convenience store parking lot.

Also, I am pleased to announce that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, I have insured your children through http://www.zaico.com/coverage.html. See the 4th heading.

You're welcome.

Jen said...

Laurie, you are the best friend ever.
Except that you're wearing my pajamas...