One day when I was a teacher I received one of those obnoxious forwards that I know I don't have time for and should immediately delete. It went something like this:
"Please don't delete!" This is where I should have instantly deleted the message and actually checked my professional inbox. "This will help you understand something critical about yourself!" because I'm incapable of doing this without electronic spam.
Then the email got down to business: "What's your favorite animal?"
I was bored. Very bored. So I wrote: Wolves
Then it asked in that all-knowing, patronizing way that only mass-produced email can: "Why do you like your favorite animal?"
Huh. I had never really thought about it before, but I typed: I like wolves because they are loyal to their family and those they trust, they are misunderstood, friendly, mysterious, strong and fierce yet gentle, intelligent, they mate for life, and I am attracted to them, but not in some sick, bestiality way. I thought that last point was particularly important.
Question #2: "What's your SECOND favorite animal?" (because apparently not putting "SECOND" in screaming, boldface type would make me forget that I had just answered the previous question)
I typed: Owls.
Once again I receive the question: "Why do you like your SECOND favorite animal?"
I typed: I like owls because they are intelligent, predatory animals. They can fly, and I can relate to them because they stay up at night and enjoy sleeping during the day. They are fierce even though they look cute. They can turn their heads 270 degrees to watch their prey and have cool eyes.
Then I had to scroll down to the very bottom of the email because scrolling down for 10 minutes to get to the point of these forwards somehow makes us happily eager for an answer to the mass stupidity we've indulged in.
It said: "The FIRST animal you listed as your favorite is the animal that is your soulmate. The traits you listed are ones that you desire in a mate. The SECOND animal is you. The traits you listed are ones that you see in yourself."
Unlike most forwards, I feel like this was an interesting observation and a good use of my time because I learned several things:
1) That I like hairy men who are intelligent, strong, friendly, and loyal.
2) I can fly and rotate my head around in order to capture rodents.
I can definitely say that I found my soul-mate, though the only mystery is why someone who gets paid to spend 8 hours programming on a computer can possibly want to spend all of his free time at home ON THE BLOODY COMPUTER.
I can also definitively attest to flying around at night when no one is looking. At least in my dreams. And I do have cool eyes.
(By the way, this is Day 47- A picture of my favorite animal. Done. If you want to read a much funnier post on Wolves, click here.)