Tuesday, May 31, 2011

He needs to come home from work earlier more often...

Actual conversation with John at 5:28pm today:

Me: Hey John! How was work? ["Hi Daddy!" Eric screams as he runs naked through the house. Rachel runs up to John in her diaper, says "hi" and runs back outside.]

John: Uh... hey.

Me: You just missed Rachel pooping in technicolor. I think she gets that from your side of the family.

John: [muttering] I doubt it...

Eric: Come downstairs!

John: Get some clothes on first.

Eric [after getting dressed with help from Mom] Come and play downstairs, Mommy!

Rachel: Outside!

Me: [looking at John] Which one do you want?

John: I'll take Rachel.

Hallelujah, because it's 95 degrees outside with humidity! I follow Eric downstairs to listen to the Belly Button song for the 418th time while finishing up laundry. As I take the laundry upstairs, Rachel shoots downstairs. John gets on my computer. The kids are happily playing in the basement. Peace and happiness. Which always lasts about .07 of a second before Rachel starts crying and/or Eric starts screaming.


Me: [looking at John] I will pay you a thousand dollars if you go downstairs with the kids right now.

John: What's this "Maids, not murder" thing on your computer??

Me: I haven't had a chance to actually read it yet. And the price just went down to $800...

John: [getting up] Alright...

Me: Thanks. Did I mention you get paid out of your paycheck? Since I don't actually have a paying job and all...

At this point, John said something I can't repeat here. But the kids played with Daddy for about 5 minutes before they tracked me down like a pack of crazed dogs in a fox hunt. And I learned that if I had a maid I would live 11 years longer and be less likely to poison John. But John would have to pay for that out of his check, too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

After John gets eaten by zombies, we can open an Arsenic and Old Lace style B'n'B. It'll be super cheap, with no housekeeping but an increased chance of poisoning. Make sure to get a REALLY BIG basement.