Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Child-Proofing Tips

In response to Karen's post, I thought I would post some child-proofing tips.

1) Cover all electrical outlets. Don't concern yourself that little Jenny or Johnny won't be able to get their tiny pudgies into the outlet. It's trendy and shows everyone that you are at the top of your child-proofing game.

2) Remove all window treatments, especially window blinds. The cords can cause a choking hazard because tots are drawn to those little ropes as if they were made of baby heroin.

3) Remove all furniture in the house. I know it sounds extreme, but you'll be glad you did. It takes seconds for a little one to traverse the bed and crawl happily over the edge to certain injury. Sofas are made to be climbed, which is also a problem. And all tables, chairs, entertainment centers, etc. are going to draw welts, bruises, and possibly blood no matter how many layers of bubble wrap and bumper pads you place on them (I think we bought out Target). Toddlers find a way to the areas that are uncovered!

4) Put down carpet. Hardwood floors are modern and beautiful. But when little Johnny or Jenny falls down and cries, you will beat yourself up for not spending a few extra bucks for their personal comfort.

5) Dismantle the stairs. Added bonus- if you're worried about the baby weight you've gained, all those pull-ups you will do to get to the second floor will be worth more than a Weight Watchers membership.

6) Two words: "Baby Gates." Why? Because you're going to want to lock your little bugger in. You will be shocked and amazed at how fast they can move in the three seconds it takes you to clean up an ounce of spit-up (and inevitably they will be heading for the stairs. Did you remember to dismantle the stairs??!!).

I sincerely hope that this post helps all moms out there who want to baby-proof effectively. It's a tough job, but I promise my tips will make your life so much easier.

(Side-Note- I hope my readers understand my sense of humor. In all seriousness, no matter how well you baby-proof your house your child will find a way to get into something he/she shouldn't, and you will beat yourself up the moment they bruise or bleed. Eric managed to do BOTH in front of a parent at the pediatricians office, much to the mind-bending guilt and humiliation of mom. As parents, we need to do our best to make sure our kids are safe. But kids will get hurt. That's what kids do, and sometimes (many times) there's nothing you can do. So remember the days when we played on rusted gym equipment built on gravel and lived in rooms with lead paint? Our kids will survive.)


Anonymous said...

Heehee. I think you should have added cutting off power and water supplies to the house and switching to only plastic knives. :)

Jen said...

Plastic causes cancer.
hehe... ;-)